If you own a TV or radio, particularly if you live in Leicestershire, there’s pretty much no way you could’ve avoided hearing the massive build up to Richard III’s reburial in the last week.
Proceedings kick off today with his coffin touring the county, passing places associated with the the king’s last few days – including Bosworth Battlefield where he died in 1485.
The former ruler will finally be reinterred on Thursday at Leicester Cathedral – just around the corner from where his bones were discovered, famously under a car park, in August 2012.
How’ve things been since your last interview with us?
Ah my life has been manic, truly manic. I’ve become a media sensation and a corporate product. Bewildered might be a good description I guess. Despite this, things are pretty good tbh. I can’t complain, even if it did take 500 years for people to appreciate me.
How does it feel having the world’s media on you again?
Well, at least they are no longer discussing my personal health issues I suppose? It’s nice, though in a week’s time they’ll have moved on to the latest dubious electorial candidate/tax scandal/Jeremy Clarkson story. I’m not sure if I’m happy about that or not just yet…
What do you think of the King Richard III Visitory Centre?
I’ve not been in – well it would be a little hard in my current stat – but I’ve seen pictures. That blue and white skeleton repro looks uber cool. So yeah, one does approve. Bit pricey for entry though (don’t you think?).
Can we expect any surprises from the reinterment ceremony? When we last spoke you’d requested Engelbert Humperdinck to perform… any luck?
Will there be cake?
A record label promised me some cake as a present, I’m yet to see it. I’m told their cake department is a little slow with such things… but coffee would be good (if they happen to read this).
You famously said you’d give your kingdom for a horse – what are you demanding now you’ve been given a horse-drawn carriage for your procession?
How will you tweet from inside a tomb?
Modern technology, dear child. My people have already sorted it, they tell me its a bit like a Flux Capacitor, but I’m buggered if I know… works though. Magic lead maybe?
Are you worried about your profile going down post-reburial? Would you consider celebrity Come Dine With Me or Strictly?
Excellent question Miss Make Do, but easy to answer. A king will never do reality television, I’ll stomach the 20 year gap before I become cool once more #welliamtheking
You mentioned last time that you were planning on making your own fan club – can we join yet?
You can indeed, the address is 40 Abbey Street, Leicester. No need to post a cheque, you can pay them an evening subscription on the door. Tell them Dicky sent you and all will be fine.
[NOTE FROM E&B: We checked – this is the address of indie nightspot Fan Club!]
Are you proud of putting Lestah on the map?
Most importantly, are you worried about the future of One Direction?